Empty Rooms are Honest Places

I like to think I have good taste in music. And so do a lot of my friends. (Not just because they agree with me.) Except for K-Pop. I just can’t do that one, sorry Lyssa.

But even though three people were telling me how amazing Penny & Sparrow are for the past four years, I just couldn’t seem to get into them.


A week ago Sunday, I went down to Indianapolis to see one of my favorite bands perform: The Oh Hellos. I’m slightly obsessed. It’s fine. Also in the building that night were both Switchfoot and Relient K. I will never not find this a funny.

And the friends that went with me were those dang Penny & Sparrow fans.

And guess who was opening for the Oh Hellos?

That’s right.

GUYS. I’ve been listening to Penny & Sparrow (almost) exclusively since.

There was this very nice parent-aged couple we met as we were waiting for the concert to begin that said they were really only there for Penny & Sparrow. The husband told me about how clear Andy Baxter’s voice is and that they’ve been to see them perform several times. This couple also let me and Morgen move in front of them so I could see a little bit better. #faithinhumanity

So my curiosity was peaked.img_2938

And I fell completely in love.

Two guys. One guitar.

Hilarious. Amazing stage presence.

Beautiful humans.

Thoughtful lyrics. There’s more to them than an initial listening will provide.

Hauntingly wonderful vocals

Can I say… soul-stirring? Maybe heart-stirring.

Though the concert was standing room only, I would love a chance to hear Penny & Sparrow in a more relaxed (see: chairs) setting. Because the you have to listen to them. And I think that is why I struggled so much to enjoy them before. I never took the time to understand the music. And I guess, I still don’t really “understand” everything. But I’m listening and not just hearing.

The music moved me folks. And I encourage you to let it do the same to you. Some things I recommend:

A Beginners Guide to Penny & Sparrow  <– Read this!

Serial Doubter
Honest Wage
Patience, First & Patience, Please

Take a listen, for your own good.

Then after the mellow sounds of Penny & Sparrow, yes, I rocked and jumped and danced to The Oh Hellos.


The energy level of this band when they perform is off the charts.

The banjo player acts like he’s rocking out on an electric guitar.

They’re jumping.

They’re dancing.

They’re singing their hearts out.

I don’t know how they keep it up, but I’m ever so glad they do.


I’ve said once, I’d gladly be a groupie for the Oh Hellos and just follow them on the road. And I still would. But if they don’t have an opening, I’d gladly trail behind Penny & Sparrow too.


In Which I Meet My Pen Pal.


In case you didn’t know, I have a pen pal that lives in London, Ontario. We were matched up through Ali over at aliinbloom.com through something she called Bloggers Offline. Marlee, my pen pal, blogs over at marleeandyou.blogspot.com.

Well, Marlee got married in the beginning of August and I was extremely honored to have been invited. Yeah, this post is long overdue. But anyways, here’s my recap of my trip to our northern neighbors. It’s long. I’m kind of sorry. But I need to write it down for myself. (And if Disneyland is the happiest place on earth, I’m pretty sure Canada is the friendliest) And shout out to all of those cashiers that helped me with Canadian coins… all so shiny… all so similar in size…

Day One: First Things First
My friend Olivia drove up from Cincinnati to come along and be my plus-one-road trip-buddy (there was no way I was going up there alone) and the trip North was pretty uneventful… until we were stuck in line to cross the toll bridge. It was 90* outside, very slow bumper to bumper traffic. And I look down and my engine nearly overheating. I mean, what do I know about these things?! But after a frantic call to my father and making it very clear that we could, in no way, pull off to the side of the road… we turned everything off and opened the windows. Yes, I’ve been told that having my air conditioning on was stupid… no I didn’t realize that. Anyways, we made it across the bridge finally and through customs with no issue. Changing my mindset from miles to kilometers was hard, but despite a missed exit, we made it to the house where we were staying with no big issues.

After dinner, the Murrays pulled out a large map (yes, map) of London circled some streets and places with a yellow highlighter and Olivia and I set out to explore. We took a stroll down Dundas street before heading home, catching some of opening ceremony for the Olympics and crashing into bed.

Day Two: Wedding Day (What a Day)
I woke up with some serious wedding jitters… not like I was getting married or anything. No, I was nervous about going and meeting Marlee! What if she didn’t actually want me to come? How awkward was this thing going to be? We left in plenty of time to pick up an iced cap from Tim Hortons (we were given strict instructions to try one) and some Timbits before heading to the wedding. We were complemented on our outfits as we left Time Hortons, reaffirming that Canadians are the nicest people ever.


We got to the wedding way too early, but I hear from a window above where we are waiting, “Oh my gosh! It’s Kelly!” I turned and looked up too see Marlee + bridesmaids at the upstairs window. We exchanged little waves and my wedding jitters went wayyyyy down.

The ceremony was so sweet. And her dress!!!! SO CUTE. It was her mother’s wedding gown that she had altered… and added pockets, of course. She was beautiful! In-between the ceremony and the reception, we made some new friends with two sisters and enjoyed hanging out with them the rest of the afternoon.


And after the bridal party + family were done taking photos, Marlee brought the photographer over to where we were chatting under a tree… and we finally got to meet each other!!!! 


“You’re really here!” and “You’re really little!” were two things I remember she exclaimed as she gave me a big hug. It was a very happy moment. I think we’d have fun together if we lived closer together… and you know, in the same country. Then we headed into the reception. I’ll skip the play by play for the rest of the wedding and give you some highlights:

  1. Marlee made all of the cupcakes and they were AMAZING.
  2. There was a candy bar and we learned that:
    • American Smarties = Canadian Rockets
    • Canadian Hershey Kisses are 1000x better than American
  3. After the toasts, Cory and Marlee said a few words… and I was thoroughly embarrassed when I was pointed out. (Thanks, Marlee.) So much for staying in the background!😉
  4. I met Marlee’s friend (and bridesmaid!) Daniella!
    img_2721I heard a lot about her from Marlee’s letters so I was excited to meet her! I also set her up as a pen pal with my friend Morgen. And she told me where to find nice stationary while I was in the area. True friends. Daniella blogs hereMorgen blogs here.
  5. I really enjoy dancing at weddings.
  6. Marlee and Cory are just the cutest. 

Olivia and I both felt a little like we had just ran a marathon… well maybe a 10k. We met a lot of people in very little time and decided to head out. I knew that my neighbor back home (we were staying with his parents) told me to make sure I had poutine and his favorite place was in a mall near the wedding location… and so was the bookstore Daniella had recommended for stationary shopping.

So we wandered around the mall. Ate some poutine (french fries + gravy + mozzarella cheese curds). I took a photo, but it’s not really very photogenic. And got a much needed cuppa at David’s Tea. Seriously so friendly… and so, like the American millennials we are… we took a selfie with them.


Next was Indigo… it was like Barnes and Noble… but with more stationary. We both gasped with happiness when the employee that led us to that wonderful area… she asked if we could do it again, because that was fun! We browsed for a looong time.

Then we headed back, shared stories with the Murrays, and headed out one more time to pick something up from Marlee’s house mom’s house (and no, I didn’t need the address, I’ve got that baby memorized by now). It was the sweetest bag (no pun intended) of maple syrup related items! (That was very Canadian of you😉 ) I also got to chat with her mom a little bit more🙂 But sleep was very welcome that night, although I didn’t want to go to bed and end such a wonderful day!

Day Three: Take Toronto by Storm
We decided to explore Toronto on Sunday. We drove the the westernmost metro station and parked (free parking on Sunday! woo!) and for $12 we were both able to get day passes for the metro. More on that later.


We started out by exploring the Distillery district. It was full of neat boutiques, galleries, cobblestone streets, and some cute cafes. We walked, shopped, talked to a milliner, and grabbed lunch + coffee. The rest of the day is kind of a blur. A blur of way too much walking, accidentally finding a mall, and extremely painful feet. The thing is… we were in the mindset of walking and stopping to see things… and also forgot we had metro passes. We walked 10 miles that day. Seriously.

Food highlights included: macarons (also the first time we were able to sit down in a very long time.), savory crepes for dinner, and a 30 minute wait for ice cream (which, while very Instagram-able was ultimately a bit of a let down).


We took the metro back to where we parked our car and headed back to London. I had to stop once to get coffee at (where else?) Tim Hortons on the way back. It was also there I discovered the Coffee News isn’t just in the USA.

Day Four: There’s No Place Like Home

We packed up, bid farewell to our kind hosts, and headed out. But before we left London we had to make two stops. One, to the grocery store to pick up some candy. Actually we went to get Hershey’s Kisses, but we picked up a few other things we didn’t recognize. Then, we made one last stop at Tim Hortons. I got an Iced Coffee, and I think that was my favorite drink that I tried. And a few more Timbits…so many kinds, so little time. We need some more Tim Hortons in the states. See: closer to me.


Mr. Murray had given us a token to get us across the bridge, so we breezed through that pretty quickly, but the border took a little bit longer. When it was finally our turn, we figured out why…

What my neighbor had told me was very, very, true. The border is much friendlier when you are entering Canada… the Americans are really brusque on your way back in. But we made it back home despite having to go around Detroit because we missed the first I69 exit off of I94. But we made it. Safe and sound. And if you made it to the end of this post… I hope you are still safe and sound.

I had a blast in Canada. I was thrilled to have the opportunity to meet my pen pal and blessed to have such wonderful people with whom to stay. Like seriously, I asked them later if they accept grandchildren applications.

The Land Between

A photo by Tim de Groot. unsplash.com/photos/M_eB1UjE0do

GOD, your God, has blessed you in everything you have done. He has guarded you in your travels through this immense wilderness. For forty years now, GOD, your God, has been right here with you. You haven’t lacked one thing. Deuteronomy 2:7 (MSG)

I’ve been quiet since I graduated. I’ve started writing this post dozens of times… well, at least I’ve thought about starting it. I kept putting it off because I knew it would be difficult. Putting all of these things into actual words might hurt. But maybe, like the rain that we so desperately needed is falling outside my window to revive the fields, writing this will revitalize my spirit.

I’ve had the tendency to look at the world through rose-colored glasses. The glass is half-full. And I’ll have a job before I graduate. No sweat.


But I moved home with some job leads and a reality that I could be moving to Washington, D.C. in a few weeks.

I’m still here. Half of my life and all of my tea is still boxed away in the basement. And it’s free rent, so no arguments there. But it’s been hard to keep playing Pollyanna. I’ve been called out by my family for my attitude, which is not a new thing, but not something that happens frequently.

I’ve struggled being home for the longest time ever in a year and half. I’ve struggled watching my classmates get jobs. I’ve struggled with the deafening silence that meets most of my job applications. I’ve struggled with entry-level positions that want 3 years of experience. I’ve struggled with the uncertainty of making long-term plans. I’ve struggled with not having a job for the first time in six years.

I’ve applied to 63 jobs.



I’m plagued with questions from myself and others. What do you want to do? What are you looking for? Have you looked here? Here? Here? Are your standards too high?

Waiting. Applying. E-mailing.


The church I attended in college (Oh Commonway, how I miss you.) did a sermon series on Moses over the summer. And I was listening to one titled The Land Between in which Pastor Matt spoke on the 40 years the Israelites wandered in the desert. And I thought to myself, “Yes, that’s where I am.”

I’m just wandering around. Not in the wilderness but in the Land ‘o Goshen. Though some may say they’re the same thing.

Someday, somewhere, I know that the Promise Land (see: job) lies in my future. Not a dream job. But at least a purpose. Something to wake up for in the morning. I’m waiting for positive responses to my applications like waiting for answers to come down from Mount Sinai.

Over dramatic? Maybe. But these waves of melancholy tend to leave me as such. And like the Israelites, despite all of the blessings God has given me, I too, have found it hard to trust Him. 

It’s been so easy to get discouraged. Doubtful. What have I done with my summer? How is it already August?

And I don’t have any answers. I don’t know why I’m still here, unemployed, half-scared to be stuck in Goshen forever and half-scared to leave. And it’s been easy to mark my entire summer off as a failure. I forget about the manna. I’m missing the forest for the trees. Those silver linings have tarnished. I’m missing how God has been providing for me. Some I’ve pushed aside—forgetting to pause and appreciate the sunflowers that have been given to me this summer, and some that will come into focus when I move out of this season of my life.

I was able to see two high school friends and a cousin get married this summer because I’ve been home. I’ve attended bachelorette parties, bridal showers, and baby showers because I am home. I was able to go meet my pen pal from Ontario and attend her wedding because I didn’t have a job to work around. I was able to visit MBZ in Crown Point because my weeks were free. I was able to hang out with my brother and sister-in-law when they came home for July 4th because I was still at home. I was able to make a new friend because I am home. I’ve had adventures with my mom because I am home. I’ve taken MBZ all over Goshen when she’s visited her beau because I’m still in Goshen. I could do a round of Whole 30 with my parents because I am home. I could go on an overnight shopping adventure in Schaumburg, IL with my sister because I am home and don’t have a job.

These are some of my summer Ruth Blessings. When Naomi returned to Bethlehem with Ruth, her daughter-in-law, she became Mara, bitter. But, cultural issues about not having a male provider aside, I always felt like Ruth was slighted in this change of Naomi’s. Ruth stayed by her side and through her presence God continued to bless Naomi. Ruth gleaned in the fields. Ruth found a provider and protector. Ruth gives her a grandbaby.

“He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age, for your daughter-in-law who loves you, who is more to you than seven sons, has given birth to him.” Ruth 4:15 (ESV)

More to you than seven sons.

Sometimes, you just don’t know what something can grow into. Like those people you pick out and decide to just spend a lot of time with… you know, friends.

I’ve been blessed with friends who are always up for long chats. Phone. Facetime. Texting. Coffee at the Brew. Bubble tea on courthouse steps. I am blessed with a group of girls who all revive my spirit in unique and different ways. When my worries, anxieties, and my inability to pause because I run around like a wind-up car—in uncertain paths and running into the occasional wall. Or a solar-powered hula dancing girl.  They hold the key to wind me back up. They are the sun that recharges my wiggle. The Ruth to my Mara (babies not necessary).

So I’m continuing to hula along. I’ve decided it’s time to settle in. Who knows, I might be here for awhile. That tea may be unpacked. September 1st, I’ll head to the temp agency and see what jobs I can find. I’m finding a Sunday School to belong to. I’m considering volunteering with middle school or junior high girls. I’ll begin to cultivate a life in the Land ‘o Goshen. To try and become content.

“Where you tend a rose, my lad, a thistle cannot grow.” – The Secret Garden

And besides, I’m not alone. Though sometimes it’s hard to believe.

“God, I’m sick of this, but I’m going to trust that you see what I’m going through. I’m gonna trust that you’re with me even in this.” – Matt Carder, Pastor at Commonway Church, Muncie, Indiana



This has been a crazy-long post, and thanks for making it through the analogies, cliches, and idioms. And the general crazy word-vomiting of my soul. I’ve had three months of angsty roller-coaster thoughts to work through. We’ll take a lighter turn for the next few posts… including a recap on my trip to Canada!🙂

Brand New Leaves: Thoughts on Graduation


“Life is unpredictable,
It changes with the seasons,
Even your coldest winter,
Happens for better reasons,
And though it feels eternal,
Like all you’ll ever do is freeze,
I promise spring is coming,
And with it, brand new leaves.”

– e.h

I don’t think I ever really prepared myself for the inevitable end of college.


Packing up my nest.

I spent most of this year in denial.

There would be no goodbyes.

There would be no last times.

I made myself believe that time would stand still.

I made my website. I went to a conference. I went to portfolio reviews. And then on the first day of April, I cracked. I had a portfolio review the next day. I had very little sleep all week preparing for this review and was spending my class time arguing with the printer. And I left class on the verge of tears. My fears about the future and the stress that had been building up all year finally broke me. But I was going to work, and so tears would have to wait. Note to self: cry later.

I’ve had a lot of conversations with Morgen about this. 1,481 miles away and she has still been the voice of reason in my world. She has this uncanny ability to verbalize what I’m going through. She is the verbose princess. 

“I feel like I’m doing a lot of growing up at once,” she said.

And that’s really what it feels like. And it hurts, man. It’s frightening.

And it’s overwhelming, along with everything else. Like the ground here; it’s been brown since winter, but all at once, after the snow, it’s suddenly green, and there was no warning, and everything changes. And it’s beautiful but it’s new. Sometimes you feel like creeping back to what’s been, but that doesn’t mean that will stop spring from coming.     – The Verbose Princess

And spring is coming. Although it can be hard to see it. Or understand it. And with all of these goodbyes to say and decisions about the future to make, it’s hard to know which path you should take.

There’s an essay by Dr. A.W. Tozer (Miracles Follow the Plow) that seems fitting as our lives are ripped apart and pieced back together.

Break up your fallow ground: for it is time to seek the Lord, till He come and rain righteousness on you” (Hosea 10:12)

“…the cultivated field has yielded itself to the adventure of living. The protecting fence has opened to admit the plow, and the plow has come as plows always come, practical, cruel, business-like and in a hurry. Peace has been shattered by the shouting farmer and the rattle of machinery. The field has felt the travail of change; it has been upset, turned over, bruised and broken.

But its rewards come hard upon its labors. The seed shoots up into the daylight its miracle of life, curious, exploring the new world above it.”

School is all I have known for 17 years. I have measured my years in semesters and summer vacations. Year after year, it’s been the same. The path was straight and I knew it well. It’s hard to see that there is a place in the world outside of that for me. There’s a bend in my path. But like Anne Shirley, “I don’t know what lies around the bend, but I’m going to believe that the best does.”

“It’s a rough time,” Morgen agreed, “but it’s got an expiration date. It’ll keep going if we do.”

But how? How can I keep going and going. I leave campus and all I want to do is curl into a ball and sleep. Or cry. And nurse a cuppa. In one of these times of crumbling, I received a letter from Morgen:

Yesterday I went for a run, the kind that is fueled by emotional necessity, rather than healthy motivation. I looked out at the piles of dirt and caught my breath, and remembered how amazed I was that these massive piles of dirt and stone stay standing through all the wind and rain. “What is holding this up?” And I wondered the same thing yesterday. And it occurred to me that I ask the same thing of myself. I look at myself and wonder if I’ll crumble, who I’ll hurt, and what I can weather. And God is like “It’s the same thing holding you both up.” So I’m a pendulum swinging back and forth between okay and crumbling, and that’s just where I’m at. But I can’t help but believe that this is an essential time.

Essential time. It’s true. It’s a step we must take. It hurts. It’s uncertain. But it’s important. It’s important for my future around that bend in the road. It’s important for my relationships with my friends and for my relationship with my heavenly father.

I have faith that God has a plan for me. But as cloudy as that is, I’m not waiting. And I don’t think I’m supposed to wait. I’ve been reading The First Time We Saw Him by Matt Mikalatos recently.

“We are inadequate to accomplish the impossible. We have insufficient power to do the miraculous. … He merely wants our participation. He could have made lunch for all five thousand people with a clap of his hands. …We ask for the miraculous, and he expects us to participate in the miracle he provides. We are inadequate and we realize we don’t have enough. He tells us to simply bring everything we do have. We bring it all even though it’s insufficient, and he makes up the difference using his divine power. …He tells a man with a twisted hand to stretch it out. he tells a man with withered legs to stand up and walk. At the very least, he asks us to participate in his miracles by having faith. He doesn’t need our faith to do the miraculous, yet he often tells people in Scripture, ‘Your faith has healed you.’ We provide faith or water or fish, and he provides the miracle. ”

Faith is not an idle grace. So I’m applying for jobs while praying for guidance… and a job.


Morgen: Young adulthood feels like a second puberty
Kelly: This is young adulthood?
Morgen: I don’t know…what is it? Emerging adulthood?
Kelly: putting adulthood into practice
Morgen: Training wheels come off, and here we go. Tassels on handlebars, helmets on sideways, elbows poised for cement scrapes.

We might be swinging back and forth between okay and crumbling, but here we go.

Sugar Cream Pie

Guys. I made pie.


All by myself.


Without my mom.


Aye.. that’s the clincher… without my mom.

The crust had some issues, my water wasn’t cold enough  when I added it and so it was easily ripped. But there was one crust that wasn’t too patched up and I had big plans for it. I was going to make a Sugar Cream pie.


Sugar Cream pie is the state pie of Indiana, so, fun fact for you. The ingredients are pretty basic. Nothing too fancy. But you do need to make sure your crust doesn’t have cracks in it that the liquid could leak through when baking.

Enough chit chat. Here’s the recipe:

Sugar Cream Pie  (For 2 pies)

1 c br. sugar
1 c sugar
1/2 c flour

5 c cream

In a separate bowl beat 2 egg whites until foamy. Add to other mixture. Bake at 375 for 15 minutes and then turn it down to 300 for 30-45.

Me Before You – Book Review


Book crossed off my reading challenge: A book that’s becoming a movie this year.

They’re making it into a movie, and the trailer looks soooooo good! I bet the book is great!

That’s not always a good rule of thumb. Reading The Time Traveler’s Wife has scarred me for life. 

That is not the case with Me Before You by JoJo Moyes. I laughed. I cried.

“The thing about being catapulted into a whole new life–or at least, shoved up so hard against someone else’s life that you might as well have your face pressed against their window–is that it forces you to rethink your idea of who you are. Or how you might seem to other people.”

Louisa Clark is a lovable character, stuck in her hometown with no aspirations. Will Traynor is wheelchair-bound in his hometown and would rather die. Literally. You join Louisa on a rough journey trying to change Will’s mind. When they’re thrown together everyday, they catch a glimpse of how the other half lives. And ultimately end up changing each other’s lives in some way.

I didn’t necessarily agree with the ending. And, oh boy, the tears were flowing. But I’m very interested in reading the sequel, to see how the story progresses.

I found the book strangely encouraging. I understood Louisa and her trepidation to leave the place she had grown up. She had a home to belong to. A relationship in a rut. She was comfortable. Her other reasons, are more removed from my life than the feeling of comfort and a place of belonging. But Will pushes her to leave, to dream big, to live.

“You only get one life. It’s actually your duty to live it as fully as possible.”

With graduation and my future looming ahead of me, I need that push. Not to run home and live in my hometown forever, unless I actually manage to find a job there, but to go out and and dream big.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go shopping for a red dress and a pair of bumblebee tights.

Anne of Green Gables – Book Review


“Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It’s splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world.”

Guys. I love Anne of Green Gables. Like, almost obsessively so. There are so many aspects about this delightful girl that reminds me of myself. When I found out there was a reading challenge for this series this year, I was definitely going to participate!

Because I don’t have a lot of time to read, I was listening to it on LibriVox. LibriVox is a wonderful website. Volunteers record themselves reading books in the public domain and anyone can listen to them for free. I love Karen Savage’s recordings, she has a wonderful voice that is very easy to listen to and understand.

But back to Anne. She’s wonderful. Sometimes I can really connect with her melodrama on a deep level.

“My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes.”

She has such a keen imagination, that sometimes gets her into a spot of trouble. And I can definitely connect with that.

This first book is first about Anne finding a home, friends, and love. They say home is where the heart is set in stone. Having a home is such an important thing to me. It’s not a place, it’s a feeling. And I think that is what Anne found when Marilla and Matthew accepted her into their home. She wasn’t there because they wanted a boy, she was there because Marilla thought they could help her and accepted her into their lives and their home. And even though Matthew never got that boy to help him on the farm, he wouldn’t have traded her for all of the boys in the world. He gave her puffed sleeves and love. She gained friends, specifically, a kindred spirit, Diana. She was Anne’s first true friend. And it’s a friendship that (spoiler alert) lasts for the entire series. Those true friends can be hard to find, but oh-so-wonderful to hold onto. And I’m so thankful for those in mine.

You can’t wrap up a post about Anne of Green Gables without Gil-that boy! You can keep your Mr. Darcys… I just need a Gilbert Blythe. He’s dreamy and wonderful and gave up the Avonlea School so she could stay home with Marilla.


Anne has an incredible imagination, a full heart, and knows how to find the beauty in everything. Except maybe green hair.

“Dear old world’, she murmured, ‘you are very lovely, and I am glad to be alive in you.”