Conflicted

I scrolled through my words of wisdom, humor, and advice board on pinterest today looking for a good quote to write on the outside of an envelope headed to my friend Emma. The quote I chose spoke deep into my soul today. Enough to write a legitimate blog post about…. and, you know, it’s been awhile.

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My heart wants roots

How true this is. The more often I trek back and forth from school and home (cramming as much as I can in to boxes) the more I long to find a place to stay. My brother and sister-in-law will be moving back to my hometown soon and I know how much I would enjoy living up there… with everyone so close. But not like… within walking distance… boundaries, people, boundaries. But as unsettled as I feel knowing my life can be boxed up and shoved into my car in no time flat, there’s something thrilling knowing that I can just pack up and transfer my life to another part of the world (if need be). Especially, if those boxes I mentioned happen to be suitcases.

because

My mind wants wings

love to travel. Road trip to family in Virginia. Flying to Costa Rica. Riding the train to Chicago. Class research trip to Washington, D.C. Anything and anywhere. Give me a good playlist, a book, and a pillow (because I fall asleep ridiculously fast when I travel) and wake me up when we get there. I love to explore new streets and try new foods. I’ve made it a goal to try and find macarons and mediterranean food in every city to which I travel. I want to travel the world. I want to see the Sistine Chapel and La Sagrada Familia. I want to visit Amalie in Denmark and Christina in Germany. I want to see where my ancestors are buried. I want to see the tulip fields of Holland and spend a week visiting the Louvre. I want to hear my name pronounced by an Irish man and have tea in England. I want to see Mount Rushmore and visit Green Gables. I want to see the Redwoods and the Grand Canyon. I want to eat croissants in Paris and gelato in Rome.

But all that aside. Those are just pipe dreams… for now, I hope.
Currently I’m conflicted about something else.

I cannot bear their bickering

It’s internship hunting season. And I’m applying with no boundaries in mind. Las Vegas, Nevada. Sydney, Australia. Goshen, Indiana. It’s my last summer before I graduate which means it could be my last summer to live at home, depending on where my degree takes me. Knowing that there’s a chance that all of my family might be living close by this summer makes it hard to think about leaving. But I also long to try my wings in the real world…

I’d love travel abroad while I’m in school, but unfortunately, with my major, that isn’t very plausible.

This past summer many of my friends were traveling far away and that was hard to see, but it was the summer and not during the school year. We would have been separated anyways. Now my education major friends are talking about student teaching… and I’m not ready to see us part.

This past weekend Mo and I went home with Mal and I had the thought that soon, all too soon, we won’t have the ability to just… go hang out for the weekend at what may soon be known as “our parent’s house”. Because we’ll be out with our own places.

I feel like this post should have some kind of wrap-up. A conclusion. A point to all of this typing-babbling-nonsense. But for once, it doesn’t. Because I’m still trying to make sense of all of this growing-up business. And it’s hard. But no one ever said it would be easy.

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