Cognitive Champagne (Thought Bubbles): Desiring God

We now take a break from our originally scheduled program to bring you these thoughts from Little Miss Mo B Zim

“Our nature, by the corruption of the first sin, [being] so deeply curved in on itself that it not only bends the best gifts of God towards itself and enjoys them (as is plain in the works-righteous and hypocrites), or rather even uses God himself in order to attain these gifts, but it also fails to realize that it so wickedly, curvedly, and viciously seeks all things, even God, for its own sake.”

Martin Luther, Lectures on Romans

 

I have an idea. Maybe desiring God is at the center of everything. Doesn’t the inclination and the ache to be close to Him show that His spirit is changing the inward-facing nature I was born with? Maybe worshipping Him entirely and living wholly for him will not be realized on earth yet, but wanting to change, wanting to trade in my evil for His good and my pain-inducing pursuits for His intricate will are evidence of His presence. I’ve felt both.

Desiring God is an ache, but I it’s an ache more satisfying than the stab wounds that the world inflicts and is a healing hurt if, ultimately, it leads us to Himself, right? In desiring Him, life feels wider, but smaller. It’s all temporal, but it’s wide open for us to love and try and fail and begin again. In desiring Him, it’s in focus. And I think it’s His favorite place for us to be. But it’s hard when the world is brimming with pain, and shoving its cures along with its poisons down our throats. I get out of focus. I desire affection, rest, mint M&M’s, a movie night, and feelings more than I desire the only one who understands what makes me sing and what makes me cry, more than I desire to rest in the arms of the hero who jumped on the tracks I was tied to and set me free. I tell myself over and over, but I think it’s still hard to believe when everything tells me He’s not enough and I’ve got to keep running and wrenching whatever happiness I can. When I chase after comfort, attention, acceptance, and other human beings before Him, I forget who I am in the process. I keep trying to tie myself to the tracks again. And the dissonance in my soul between what I’ve been and what I’m becoming is deafening. But He says His sheep will know His voice.

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